That may be a devastating thing to hear. Everybody wants to be loved and cared for.
Did you find it hard to let go? Can you minimize the message and hang on to a fantasy hoping that with time the person would change their mind?
Unfortunately, when we feel lonely or needy, it’s easy to fall into a dream world where reality is downplayed.
Feeling sorry for people can also keep us trapped in unhealthy relationships where our needs aren’t met. We try harder and more difficult to help the other person without anything in return except abuse and disrespect.
Fear is an emotion that could stop us from establishing healthy boundaries. When we think that we will disappoint, angry or lose another person we can sacrifice our personal needs repeatedly until we’re miserable and ill.
Gabor Mate is a Canadian psychiatrist who has written a very interesting book titled “When the Body Says No”. In it, he tells the tales of clients he’s treated who suffered from serious diseases like cancer, Parkinson’s and Multiple Sclerosis. They all had something in common. Each of these was focussed on meeting the needs of others and ignoring the trauma they had experienced in their own lives.
We have all heard about how Type A people are extremely goal-oriented and competitive. They push forward with passion until they get what they want. Type B personalities are more balanced and less stressed about life. Mate’s profiles are what he describes as Type C. These are people who may appear to be silent and considerate but under the surface are frustrated and angry. Rather than claiming themselves, they tend to concentrate on pacifying others. Since they push their emotions down and deny needs, their bodies break down.
1. Communication is clear and respected. When someone says something, the other person believes them and respects the message.
2. Boundaries are good. Each individual knows where they stop, and the other person begins. They take responsibility for their own activities and allow the other person to be accountable for their actions.
3. Forgiveness is given but negative patterns are faced rather than forgiven repeatedly without change being witnessed.
4. Needs are recognized for both parties and every individual endeavors to help them be met.
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We are living in an age of speed where we are used to getting what we need quickly. Entering a connection immediately, however, can be deceiving because sometimes people have a tendency to say what they think you need to hear rather than reveal who they really are.
It is much better to take time to get to know another person before you put in a serious relationship. It takes time and not only words to make an accurate assessment.
And remember, you can meet a whole lot of wonderful people but that does not mean that they’re a good match for you! You need to know yourself and your own needs before you can find the most suitable partner.
Finally, if you’re more committed to another than they are to you, it is time to check in the mirror. Maybe you need to take suitable action to improve your situation.
Wishing and hoping just aren’t enough!